I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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