how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
