apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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