I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
