It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
