C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
