I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
