she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
