i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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