I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
