Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
