i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
