what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
