OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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