You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
