I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
