You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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