Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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