i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
