You really coming over, don't trick.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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