i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
