Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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