All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
