I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
