Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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