i wish my penis had a tongue
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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