Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
