3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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