i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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