this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
