Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
