I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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