I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
