i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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