just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
