Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
