it hurts more in the daytime
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
