god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
