These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
