I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
