wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She has the best kind of daddy issues
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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