haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
