if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
