There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
