I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
