Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
