Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
