pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
