My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
