She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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