I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
